Today we are going to step a ew steps left of the typical hardware, marketing, gear talk and talk about something that is even more important – you mental health and your relationships. We are talking marriage and podcasting. I've mentioned the three legged stool before but it's worth repeating. The three legs of the content creation stool are:
Your Health: If you physically cant get behind the microphone that is a problem.
Your Attitude: If you don't want to get behind the microphone, that will come across your recording.
Your Support: We all need the support of our families and loved ones.
Podcasting is Easier When You Have All the Legs of Podcasting in Place
Case 1: Your support is lacking. When you go into the studio you hear, “Are you going back in there again? All you do is podcast!” This can erode your attitude.
Case 2: The support is lacking so you decide to spend time with your family, and stay up late and record when they go to bed. Now you're too tired. Sleep is SUPER important, and even if the adrenaline of recording keeps you up, a lack of sleep will lead to a weakened body which can lead to health issues.
Case 3: Your health is fading due to a lack of sleep. You're exhausted so your attitude is horrible.
Case 4: Your attitude is lacking. You have the time, and ability to record, but your passion is gone.
Marriage Advice From the Divorced Guy
When taking marriage advice there are two types of people that you can take advice from:
A) The person who married their childhood sweetheart and has been together almost fifty years
B) A middle aged man with two divorces under his belt
Set Expectations with Your Spouse
Podcasting takes more time than everyone thought so what I did that helped was I sat with my spouse and we talked about how much time I would need to create my current lineup of podcasts. We decided Tuesday and Thursday evenings (after dinner) and Saturday mornings (before lunch). This actually worked.
What I also did was maximize the use of time away from my family. You can do research on your phone in the line at the grocery store. You can do research in your car listening to audio books. You can do research on you lunch hour. By doing this activity away from your family, it means you don't take time away from your family.
Be Ready To Record
I use Notejoy to organize my ideas. This way then Tuesday evening rolled around I had my content. I also use the Todoist app. So when I rolled in I know what I was working on, and I knew where my research/thoughts were, I just needed to get them out of my head and into the software.
Identify The Time Suck In Your Life
Identify those things that pull you away from either your show or your family. For me it is short videos on YouTube and Facebook. Like potato chips it's almost impossible to view just one. So once I acknowledge that I'm in a rabbit hole, I start counting videos. The minute I watch videos that I got nothing out of, I must stop as my family/show is more important and there are only 24 hours in a day.
General Relationship Advice: Never Argue Standing Up
I once dodged an ash try that cam whizzing at my head and lodged into the wall behind me. Things can escalate. You can get in each others faces. Sit down, and try to keep things civil.
Your Spouse is Not Perfect
We all grow and change over life. Love is knowing someone's faults and accepting and loving them anyway.
Pick Your Battles and Your Battle Zones
Before bringing something up to start a “discussion” take inventory. Are you tired? Is this really a problem? Can you let it slide off your back?
If it is something that needs brought up, don't do it at bed time. Why? Because you're tired – hence you're going to bed. Don't do it when they are in a hurry to get out the door for work. Don't do it when they walk in right after work (they want to relax). Do it after dinner before you're involved with the evenings activities.
You might ask, “Is this a good time to talk about something?” As a teacher the one thing I want is a willing student, and this identifies if your partner is ready.
Make Sure You're Doing the Correct “Right Thing”
I used to buy a dozen yellow roses for my wife every Tuesday. They were her favorite flowers. However, after doing this for a while she remarked, “You know if you want more sex, if you cooked dinner or ran the vacuum cleaner every now and then it would score more points than the flowers.
Try Not To Use You Statements
Instead of “You keep walking over everything I say” you might try, “I feel unheard when you talk over me.”
Understand Before Being Understood
In the book the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, habit 5 is “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” So when having a discussion do you best to understand the other person's point before trying to get your point across. Repeat to them their point to make sure you understand it (this also helps them feel heard).
Don't Use Sex as a Weapon
Comedian Chris Rock said it best, “It's hard to stay mad at someone how just gave you an orgasm.” Ladies your man is going to put this on the calendar and plan it. Yes, this is about as unromantic as you can get. It can also lead to anticipation which can make it exciting. Once your partner remembers how fun this, they may want to do it more.
Date Nights are a Must
When it comes to marriage and podcasting, having nights where you can get alone with just two of you is a must. If you go out for dinner, put your date on steroids by leaving the phones in the car. This shows your spouse you want to be with them, and them only. No distractions.
Remind Them You Still Love Them – Even When You Hate Them
So you've had a bad argument. One thing you can say is, “I may not like you right now, but I love you and I want to work through this.” Sometimes you may feel like whatever you do is just not good enough. This kind of statements reminds your partner that you're a team.
Reward Good Behavior
When someone does something you like, be sure to point it out and thank them. “Thanks for taking out the trash.” “Thanks for picking up the milk.”
A Spoonful of Sugar
When you are giving someone a note, it helps if you can mix in a compliment. “I love how you're such a great and dedicate Mom which is why you might be interested to know that (note).
I know you're such a hard worker and you like to get things done which is why I wondered if you've ever thought of trying _______
Be the Person Your Spouse Wants to Hang Out With
I was watching a Jillian Michaels show called Learning to Live and in it Jillian's partner was complaining they never spent time together. So Jillian made room for them to spend time together, and when they were on a date, the partner did nothing but complain that they never spent time together. She should've told Jillian how much she missed her and how she missed their time together and how great it was. Be someone your partner will miss hanging around.
Call a Timeout
This is so much easier said than done. When nobody is listening and the “Discussion” is really escalating, ask to take a time out. This is NOT someone just walking away. That's controlling, and not helpful. This is you BOTH admitting this is not going well so you both go to separate locations and come back in say 30 minutes. During the time away, you are to focus on the OTHER PERSON'S SIDE so you can better understand. Then come back, and try again. This is a very logical move that makes sense. The hard part is you need to use this strategy in a VERY highly emotional time.
The Crazy Cycle
In Love and Respect, Emerson Eggerichs describes the “Crazy Cycle” as the pattern where:
Without love, a wife reacts negatively toward her husband,
and without respect, a husband reacts negatively toward his wife.
This cycle keeps spinning when each person’s reaction fuels the other’s hurt, leading to escalating conflict. The more a wife feels unloved, the more she reacts in ways that feel disrespectful to her husband, and the more he feels disrespected, the more he reacts in unloving ways toward her, causing the conflict to continue unless someone chooses to break the cycle.
Wide Brushes for Men and Women
Guys, your ladies want to feel loved, but more they want to feel CHERISHED.
Ladies, your men want to feel respected. Thank them for all they do.
Ladies, men are not mind readers. It would be great if we are, and sure your soulmate should know and do what you want them to do. This is not a romance novel. If you want it, say it. We love you and if you ask us, we will do our best to do it. We like to complete missions.
Men, we love to fix stuff (see above) but sometimes (often ) Women just want you to listen. You don't have to chime in on what they should do, JUST LISTEN. Then after they are done, you might ask, “Do you need any ideas on how to solve that situation?” If they haven't asked. Just realize they just need you to listen.
Guys are typically more logical where Facts effect your feelings/ Your feeling effect your Actions. Actions effect your thoughts. So to get us to change how we feel about something we often need new facts.
Don't Miss The Red Flags
If your partner brings up the time you spend podcasting, that is not a small flag. That is a big one, and it's time to say, “Hey tonight after dinner why don't we take a blanket and go to the park and talk.” Your spouse knows you love podcasting, so they might even feel awkward bringing it up so even though this is the first time bringing it up, this may have been brewing for a while. The longer you let things sit and fester, the large the feelings can get. Even if they push these down, they will come out.
If someone is raising their voice it's because they feel unheard. It's not that you're deaf. It's that they've said it, and feel unheard.
Don't Be Afraid of Therapy
Therapy is something that can help your marriage. Yes it can be expensive, but check around. If you think therapy is expensive, wait until you see the price tag of divorce. Also, if you work through your issues you come through stronger on the other side.
Links referenced in this episode:
- schoolofpodcasting.com
- notejoy.com
- todoist.com
- vidiq.com
- VidIQ Short Video About Thumbnails and Titles.
- schoolofpodcasting.com/contact
- The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People Book
- Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
Join the School of Podcasting
Are you looking to start your own podcast but don't know where to begin? Look no further than the School of Podcasting. Our comprehensive online courses and one-on-one coaching will teach you everything you need to know, from equipment and editing, to marketing and monetization. With our proven methods and expert instructors, you'll be creating high-quality, engaging content in no time. Say goodbye to the frustration and uncertainty, and hello to a successful podcasting career with the School of Podcasting
